Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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