its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
