My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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