We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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