This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
