Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
