Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Found the puke drawer
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
