Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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