she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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