News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
