I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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