"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!