How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.