I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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