I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
