i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
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I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten