the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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