I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
