You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I skipped work to stalk him.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
