Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
