i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
