I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
