You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
