I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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