Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
