Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
