i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
