I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
PANTIES FOUND
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