That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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