Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
