Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize