Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Someone signed my nipple.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
