we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it hurts more in the daytime
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
