She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
