these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
