I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
