just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
