Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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