I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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