the condom got lost in my hair
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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