if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
