You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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