is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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