It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
