i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
