I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just google imaged poop.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
