ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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