Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
