meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
