During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
