It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
