You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
