Your tits are I can't wait for
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just had sex on a roof
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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