You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
