You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
