I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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