I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
