You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My breasts were aching with rage.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
