What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
