That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
