I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
