i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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