i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
