It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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