You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
