if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
