I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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