Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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