I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
They have beer where we have blood.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dicks are not precious.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
