i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
