Where is the hickey?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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