just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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