I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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