he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
